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As I sit here, I am reflecting on our past year...
Everyone said the “first year is the hardest”.
But it is just numbers...
I think what I've come to realize is that a “year” in itself means nothing really.
365 days. 525,600 minutes.
Just like the song says in “Seasons of Love”...How do you measure a year...in love?
It isn't the number of days, but the experiences we fill our days with that truly count.
Maybe that's why a “year” later I can feel peace.
Oren and I were full of “experiences”.
Full of moments.
Never wished time away...
I guess when you live fully, the “days” are just secondary...
August 14 will always be the date on the calendar that I lost my best friend and incredible father to my children.
But it is just a number...
I learned to move past the number from #kindnessforchristopher and see the gift in living and paying it forward as opposed to only having sadness on a date.
I learned that some of the hardest times this year were not the ones you could buy a Hallmark card for, but were the small little moments where the loss was in my face, unexpectedly and just took my breath away...
Last August, I had to literally break my children's hearts and tell them their dad had just died.
It wasn't six months or 200 days later that they “healed” (because we are all still “healing” in various ways).
Rather, it is the sum of layered experiences and emotions all rolled together... things that can only be fully appreciated in reflection-to see how incredible these boys really are. And as Zach got off that camp bus the other day, full of pride, face beaming and an air of pure joy, that I know every fiber of my love that I gave him, and all the boys, payed off.
Was it just the “year” that helped him or the days, weeks and months of love and blessings and happy experiences family and friends and I provided?
Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about Oren, talked to him, questioned what would he do or say or think in any situation .
And most importantly, not a day has gone by that I haven't spoken about Oren to the kids. In the beginning it was impossible for them to hear my comments or stories...
But I persisted. I was determined that they learn that Oren is still with them. Our days are still filled with him as we move forward to new experiences, not stuck in the past.
In my heart, I know we truly are bringing Oren with us into our new phases of life... doing good deeds, giving charity and most importantly living happily..
And that was all he ever wanted for us... To be happy.
So for those of you remembering Oren today, please remember him with good times, fun experiences, acts of kindness and remember him often... not just today.
On Oren's stone, I put the quote “To live in the hearts of those we love is to live forever”... It's interesting because how long is “forever” really??? I guess similar to a “year”, it isn't something that can be counted... but purely felt...