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Seeing Happy

Ryan would have loved the weather today.

Today, when the sunlight hits your face it feels warm. Not hot. Not humid.

Ryan did not do well in the extreme heat and humidity.

He would get headaches, even migraines... fatigue and just be “edgy”.

But today, it is beautiful with a cool breeze gently blowing.

And today, like everyday lately about 3pm, I can’t help sit here and anxiously await the beeping of Ryan’s bus as it backs into my driveway.... yet it is a sound I won’t ever hear again.

How can you miss “beeping”?

Today, with the beautiful weather and blowing trees and “just right temps” would have been an awesome zoo day... and Ryan’s favorite destination was the Turtle Back Zoo.

When Ryan was little, the Turtle Back Zoo was our second home- and disguised therapy in the most natural environment..

Ryan learned to sign so many words and use language for asking for the train, seeing the penguins...feeding the goats.

And he learned to walk at the Turtleback zoo...

While Ryan was a master “cruiser” at home, independent walking without holding on was a tougher task for a kid missing his balance center (Ryan was born without his semicircular canals). But in the open path... with nothing to hold on to, he had no choice but to go... stiff legged, outstretched arms and while he wasn’t really sure how to “stop” Ryan was determined to see the turtles (that was a highlight long before the lions and giraffes came to West Orange).

As Ryan got older, he loved to watch the zoo grow and expand. He would take pictures of animals and their information signs or construction planned and then look up information about what was coming. He was excited to see the new Penguin exhibit in African Adventure along with the giraffe and lions and see the Flamingo exhibit in its place.

Today, Ryan would have loved to drive, as I am doing by chance, or not, on this beautiful day in Jeff’s car. He loved Jeff’s car... with the roof off (and according to Ryan, doors off would have been even better).

Ryan would have loved to feel the breeze...

the warm air...

excitedly point out a bird flying above

or a dog walking besides the open car.

Ryan would have been really happy today.

And I guess just even thinking about that makes me feel it too...

As I was running to pickup at school, my friend texted the following “Seeing you smiling and windblown, driving Jeff’s Jeep was so good. I know one moment was really so good for you today....xo”.

I guess you can “see” happy...even if for just a moment...


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